Wait for the Rain Read online

  “Hey now, you have us,” Skylar said. “We’re not going anywhere.”

  Daphne wiped more tears from her cheeks. “I just feel so guilty . . . and sad . . . that I couldn’t give her the family that I wanted for her.” That I wanted for myself.

  “Don’t do that to yourself,” Skylar said. “Lots of kids have divorced parents.”

  “I can’t help it. I’m trying to keep it together in front of her, but I’m terrified she’s going to see that I don’t know what I’m doing with my life anymore, and that it’s going to mess her up somehow.”

  “My sisters all tell me that kids come with their bags packed anyway,” Skylar said. “You can do your best, but at the end of the day they are who they are.”

  “I agree,” KC said. “Divorce doesn’t mess children up. Living with unhappily married parents does.”

  “Besides, married or divorced, no family is perfect,” Skylar said.

  More tears streamed down Daphne’s cheeks. “I’m so embarrassed,” she sniffled.

  KC gave her a strange look. “Embarrassed? Why in the world would you be embarrassed?”

  “Because it’s been more than two years, and I can’t get over it.”

  “Over Brian? Or over the end of the marriage?” Skylar asked.

  Daphne sighed and stared out at the ocean. “I’m not sure anymore.”

  “There’s a big difference there,” Skylar said.

  “Do you still love him?” KC asked.

  Daphne took a deep breath. “I think . . . I think part of me will always love him; I mean he’s the father of my child . . . but no, I’m not in love with him anymore.” The truth was, she hadn’t been in love with him for a long time, and he certainly hadn’t been in love with her. Was that what hurt so much? That they’d both wasted so many years on a marriage that wasn’t working? Going through the motions just to keep up outward appearances?

  “Then that’s a good thing,” KC said. “It’s okay to mourn the demise of the relationship. You were together for a long time.”

  “I think it’s more than that,” Daphne whispered.

  Skylar and KC exchanged a glance, then remained silent, giving Daphne time to elaborate.

  Finally, Daphne spoke the truth. The complete truth. She told them the entire story, unvarnished.

  When she was done, she stared at the sand. “I think . . . I think I feel like a failure for entering into a marriage that was probably doomed from the start,” she said quietly.

  “Don’t say that,” Skylar said. “You and he were madly in love. How were you supposed to know it wouldn’t work out?”

  Daphne pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. “I just wish . . . I just wish I could go back and tell myself to wait until I knew him better, to focus on myself before molding my entire life around someone else’s. All those places I was going to go, all those stories I was going to write . . . I never did any of it.” I was going to win a Pulitzer.

  “I’m sorry for bringing the diary,” Skylar said. “That was a boneheaded move. I didn’t think it through.”

  “It’s okay,” Daphne said. “I know you didn’t mean anything by it.”

  Skylar and KC kept watching her, KC still lightly stroking her hair. A few moments passed before Daphne spoke again. “I was too young to get married,” she whispered. “I gave up too much.”

  “I know you were young, but that doesn’t mean it was the wrong thing to do,” KC said. “You can’t beat yourself up about it.”

  Daphne sighed. “I was so naïve.”

  “Naïve how?” Skylar asked.

  “It never occurred to me that the intense feelings Brian and I had for each other would go away . . . that one day they would just be . . . gone.”

  “No one can ever know that,” KC said.

  “But I would have known that if I’d known him better,” Daphne said. “I rushed into it, and then once we were married and I had Emma, I lost who I was.” Tears started sliding down her cheeks again. “I was so stupid to let it happen.”

  Skylar narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean? Let what happen?”

  Daphne didn’t reply.

  Skylar’s eyes became dark. “He didn’t . . . hurt you, did he? I swear to God, if he ever touched you—”

  Daphne quickly shook her head. “No, never. It was just that when we met, I was on my way to becoming someone, you know? I had a real future, and then—poof—it was gone.” I was gone.

  “That’s not true, Daphne. You have a wonderful daughter you adore. That’s huge,” KC said. “You have to be proud of that.”

  Daphne wiped a tear from her cheek. “I know, and I am, but we all know I used to want to be something in addition to a mom. Brian was never going to be on board with that, but I was too blind to see it.”

  Skylar nodded slowly. “Ah, now I get it.”

  “He’s old-fashioned?” KC said.

  Daphne laughed weakly, her eyes still wet. “He never even changed a diaper. Can you believe I married a man like that?”

  “I think a lot of women marry men like that,” Skylar said. “They don’t discuss the division of labor before kids enter the picture, but when they realize they aren’t on the same page as their husbands, it’s too late and they’re stuck doing all the work.”

  Daphne nodded slowly. “That’s exactly what happened to me.” I can’t believe I let it happen to me. I thought I was smarter than that.

  “Did you ever, you know, ask him to help?” KC asked.

  Daphne squeaked out a laugh. “If it were only that easy.”

  “I’m sorry, that was a dumb question,” KC said.

  Daphne smiled and put a hand on KC’s arm. “That’s okay. It’s just, or I should say it was just, hard. I was so young, and I didn’t know what I was doing, and I think I just gave up battling him because it didn’t seem worth wrecking my marriage for. I decided it was better to . . . keep the peace.” I always kept the peace.

  “Do you think it would have wrecked your marriage if you had spoken up?” Skylar asked.

  Daphne frowned. “I don’t know, but at the time I thought it would. So I gave up on the career thing and put all my energy into being a good mother, but when I look back now, I realize that while I love my daughter, that decision probably contributed to the deterioration of my marriage because I stopped being myself, stopped being the Daphne Brian fell in love with, and the Daphne who fell in love with Brian.” I miss that person.

  “You’re still Daphne to me,” KC said. “It’s been wonderful hanging out with you again.”

  Daphne closed her eyes. “You’re just being nice. You know I’m not the same. I’m a fragment of who I used to be.”

  “None of us are the same as we were in college,” Skylar said. “We’re adults now, Daphne. We’ve all changed.”

  “But at the core, where it really matters, you two seem the same to me,” Daphne said. “I don’t think you could say that about me.”

  KC shook her head. “You’re being too hard on yourself.”

  “I think what you’re feeling is totally normal,” Skylar said. “Not that I have any experience with divorce, but I have several friends who do, and you’d be surprised at how often the word failure creeps into the conversation. Failure for having chosen the wrong person. Failure for not trying hard enough to make it work. Failure for not living up to society’s expectations.”

  Daphne sighed. “I don’t know anyone in Columbus who’s divorced. I feel like a pariah at Emma’s school sometimes. Some of the other mothers, the way they look at me . . .” Her voice trailed off. “It’s like they think there’s something wrong with me.”

  “They’re probably just resentful because they’re not happy in their own marriages,” Skylar said.

  Daphne frowned at the thought. “You think so?”

  Skylar shrugged. “You never know
, but I wouldn’t be surprised. No one knows what’s going on behind closed doors in a relationship, so who is anyone to judge when two people decide to pull the rip cord?”

  “Amen,” KC said. “I don’t like people who judge. Except real judges, of course. They’re cool.”

  “What about your friends out there?” Skylar asked. “They support you, right?”

  Daphne felt her cheeks flush, then picked up a handful of sand. “I don’t really have any close friends, just people I know from Emma’s school and around the neighborhood. There’s Carol, a nice older lady who lives across the street, but she’s the only one.” She’d never officially admitted that before, but there was no use hiding it now. There was no use hiding any of it now.

  Skylar and KC exchanged a look but didn’t say anything. They understood.

  Daphne watched the sand slide through her fingers. “Everyone thinks he left me, and I guess technically he did, but I knew a long time ago that it wasn’t working anymore, maybe even before he did.”

  “How long?” Skylar asked.

  “Years,” Daphne whispered.

  “Oh hon,” Skylar said.

  “I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” KC said.

  Daphne sighed. “I knew it wasn’t working, but I was committed, you know? And we had Emma, and all her activities, and there was so much to do to keep the household running that I wouldn’t let myself face it . . . I couldn’t bring myself to face it. It was almost like I was subconsciously waiting for Brian to be the one to wave the white flag and say he wanted out, and one day he finally did.”

  KC and Skylar remained silent.

  Daphne took a deep breath. “I know it’s for the best that we’re not together anymore, I really do. But I’m still . . . and I know this probably sounds crazy given everything I just told you . . . but I’m still hurt that . . . that I was so easily replaceable,” she whispered the last words.

  “Oh sweets,” Skylar said. “Don’t feel that way.”

  “I can’t help it. It’s bad enough that everyone thinks he left me. Now he’s found someone else first, and I feel like a cliché because I gave up my career to be a stay-at-home mom. I was an honor student at Northwestern, and now I’m working part-time in a flower store.”

  “I love flowers,” KC said.

  Daphne gave her a weary yet grateful smile. “I love you,” she said.

  Skylar held up a finger. “First of all, it doesn’t matter who pulled the trigger. If it wasn’t working, it wasn’t working, and prolonging the inevitable would have only hurt you both more.”

  “Exactly. Who cares who blinked first?” KC said. “Who would even know something like that?”

  Skylar held up another finger. “And second of all, who cares if he found someone else first? That has nothing to do with you. It’s not like he left you for this Alyssa woman.” She hesitated. “He didn’t leave you for her, right?”

  Daphne shook her head. “No, he didn’t meet her until after we split up. I’m sure of that, but it’s still hard to watch. I just wish I’d found the strength to leave, to rebuild my life instead of behaving like a passive bystander in it. If I’d done that, I don’t think I would care so much about where Brian’s going because I’d be focused on where I’m going. Instead, I feel stuck.”

  “I’m sorry if the moms are being catty about it,” KC said. “I’ve seen that side of parenting, and I’m not a fan.”

  Daphne groaned. “Tell me about it. The gossip in our town is terrible. It’s like high school, only meaner, because people aren’t talking about your prom date, they’re talking about your marriage.”

  KC nodded. “I witnessed my share of the chatter when I entered the picture at Josh and Jared’s school. Divorces, affairs—everyone knows everyone else’s business. Suburban gossip can be fierce.”

  Skylar made a face. “Remind me never to move to the ’burbs. Don’t any of these women have jobs?”

  “I’m sure some of them do, but they’re not the ones I interact with,” Daphne said.

  Skylar pointed at her. “Now you know who your new friends need to be. Women who have too much going on to be digging through other people’s laundry baskets.”

  Daphne laughed weakly. “Trust me, I’ve been thinking that for a long time.”

  “Why didn’t you tell us any of this before?” KC asked. “If I were this upset, I probably would have brought it up while we were still at the airport.”

  Daphne smiled and wiped a tiny tear from her cheek. “That’s because you’re you. The truth is, I didn’t bring it up because I didn’t want you two to see me this way.”

  “What way?” Skylar asked.

  Daphne laughed and gestured to herself. “This way. Hysterical, insecure, racked with self-doubt, an emotional train wreck.”

  “But we’re your friends, Daphne,” KC said. “You shouldn’t have to pretend around us. We take you as is, remember? The Three Musketeers, together forever?”

  Skylar nodded. “She’s right, you know. We love you no matter what.”

  “I guess I just didn’t want you two to see how differently my life has turned out than what . . . than what I expected it would be,” Daphne said.

  Skylar shook her head. “We care about you, not your résumé.” She looked at KC. “Is your life résumé the way you expected it to be at this age?”

  KC shook her head. “Not even close. As we just saw in Daisy the diary, my plan was to be a lifer in the Peace Corps, remember? Look at me now. I drive a Mercedes, for crying out loud. And while I do love being married to Max, dealing with his drug-addicted brother is another story. I can’t say hosting an intervention was on my bucket list, but—boom—there it is.”

  Skylar tapped KC’s arm. “Forget what I said earlier about refraining from gossip. That sounds juicy, so I’ll be following up on it later.”

  KC smiled and looked at Daphne. “See? No one’s life goes exactly the way they think it will when they’re in college. We all have hiccups and detours along the way. That’s what makes it interesting.”

  Skylar nodded. “Definitely. Anyone who tells you otherwise is probably hiding a dead body in the basement.”

  Daphne laughed, softly but sincerely. “You guys are so great. I’m sorry for turning our first night here into a sob show.”

  Skylar held up a hand. “Stop that. From now on, no apologizing for your feelings, okay? If you want to cry, then cry. If you want to laugh, then laugh. If you want to complain about your ex-husband, then complain about your ex-husband. This trip is about celebrating the fact that we’ve been alive for four decades, and I don’t want any of us to feel like we have to put on an act and make our lives look like something they’re not.”

  “Well put,” KC said with a smile. “I can totally picture that on a greeting card.”

  Daphne smiled. “I wish I shared your sunny take on the whole turning forty thing. Right now I just feel like a middle-aged woman with a broken past and nothing to look forward to.”

  Skylar stood up and clapped some sand off her hands and backside. “Okay, I realize that ten seconds ago I said I wanted us to speak freely on this trip, but that might be the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard.” She held up a finger again. “First of all, you’re not middle-aged. As you yourself pointed out over dinner, you’re still in your thirties; is that not correct?”

  Daphne nodded.

  “Good. Now, thirties is hardly middle-aged, and anyone who would suggest otherwise is an idiot.” She held up a second finger. “And second of all, as we also discovered during dinner, your eyes are still functioning like they did when you were a teenager, is that not also correct?”

  Daphne nodded again.

  “Good. More evidence that you’re not ready for a senior living community anytime soon. And for the record, only those whose eyes aren’t working at all couldn’t see how gorgeous you a
re for a woman of any age; is that not correct as well?” She looked at KC.

  KC agreed. “I was shocked to hear you haven’t been dating. I figured you’d have men chasing you down the street, or the cul-de-sac, or wherever it is that you live.”

  Skylar clasped her hands together. “Good, we’re all on the same page. Daphne, you are intelligent, genuine, and more beautiful than you’ve ever been, so for the love of God, let’s get you back on track to living the life you deserve, which is one filled with love, friendship, happiness, and—for this week at least—lots of mango sangrias, margaritas, and rum punches. Are you with me?” She held her hand down to Daphne.

  Emotionally exhausted but no longer despondent, Daphne looked at her friends and felt an enormous wave of relief begin to wash over her. She’d been so scared of revealing her true feelings, yet now that she had, she wondered what she’d been so afraid of. They loved her then, and they loved her now. I’m still the same person to them, she realized. Maybe I’m not as lost as I think I am.

  Feeling drained yet hopeful, she held out her hand to Skylar. “All right, I’m with you. That sounded like another greeting card, by the way.”

  “Maybe I should look into that as yet another side business,” Skylar said. “Apparently I’m full of creativity this week.”

  KC jumped up. “You’re full of something, that’s for sure.”

  “Watch it, pip-squeak,” Skylar said. “I could squash you like an ant just by sitting on you.”

  Skylar and KC each took one of Daphne’s hands, then pulled her up to a standing position. As KC wiped the sand off her backside, Skylar stood in front of Daphne and put her hands on Daphne’s shoulders. “Are you feeling better now? Even a little?”

  Daphne nodded, then smiled as she wiggled her feet back into her flip-flops. “I am.” I really am.

  “Good.” Skylar slipped an arm around her and gently nudged her back toward the beach house. “Now let’s get some sleep. Tomorrow night I’m not taking any excuses about how tired you two are.”

  “Uh oh,” KC whispered from behind them.

  “I heard that,” Skylar said without turning around.